My friends joke that I should be a relationship mentor because of my past solid 16 years of experience prior to meeting my (super dreamy, brilliant, sexy husband), Scott.
Here’s something to consider..
Your relationship with your sig. other is a reflection of your relationship with yourself.
Not happy with your current love scenario?
Welp, you’re probably not super happy with yourself then either.
I got hit in the face with this reality ^ 5 years ago at a relationship retreat that my good friends Bret + Christine Eartheart run, Co-Founders of The Center for Thriving Relationships.
Basically, if you’re wanting your partner to do certain things or show up in a certain way, then you have to ask yourself, “Am I doing those things too?”…odds are: nope.
And before we go beyond that–remember, relationships do require work.
That “work” doesn’t have to suck or be a fight fest.
The work can be fun. It can be interesting. It can be deep.
Thriving loves requires commitment, presence, and dedication.
Here are some things I’ve noticed really help…
TAKE 100% RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR EXPERIENCE
If you’re not happy in your current love situation, say something. If you want something different, ask. If you want to move on, do it. If you’re not feeling AMAZING inside of your relationship, you can’t just melt into puddles of micro-despair, deep sadness, or resentment–you gotta take responsibility for your experience and use your voice. Scary? Yes. Worth it? Yes. At the end of the day, you gotta be your own hero. Deeper love is often on the other side of a vulnerable conversation. And, if you don’t want to go deeper in your current relationship–you do always have the option to say that. Your truth matters and you speaking it means you take responsibility for your experience inside your relationship.
KNOW WHAT YOUR NON-NEGOTIABLES ARE
Have you ever been on the settle train? I have. It’s not that fun. Sometimes you find yourself settling in relationship because you forgot to check in with your non-negotiables list before you dove ass deep into a new fling. Or, you didn’t even make a non-negotiables list and you relied on the love chemicals to guide you. Here’s what you can do: Write out every single specific thing you’re looking for in a partner. Don’t feel weird or picky, you DESERVE exactly what you want. Then, go back to the list whenever you go on dates (or even in your current partnership) and see if they align. You may or may not have some conversations to be had afterward… 😉
PAY ATTENTION TO THE GROWTH CURVE
Every human has their own evolution rate. Some people are super open and adaptable. Some are rigid AF. Your awareness of your sig. other’s growth curve can save you from being in “rescuer” mode of The Drama Triangle. Meaning, if your partner is not evolving at a rate meets you in your growth rate then you might always land in the rescuer mode of dragging them along with your own evolution. Now, sometimes you’ll take the lead or your sig. other will take the lead at other times but notice if there’s a consistent lag in the game. Then, go to back to the first part of this list and have a brave conversation.
No relationship is perfect. No couple is always #goals. And, thriving love means doing your own inner work along the way.
More to come on this topic…and as always, DM in any of your LOVE questions on Instagram and I’ll make sure to blog the answer– 🙂